Insults
by Blainerschick012
Summary: Kurt tries to defend Blaine from Sebastian's constant pursuits but Blaine insists that he can handle himself. Kurt decides to show Blaine that he isn't the only one with the balls in their relationship:  pun intended xD . Kurt/ Blaine/ Klaine.


**Author's note**: Hey hey guys! :) So I only started watching glee last year and I'm totally in love with Kurt. His character is amazing. But something else I've fallen in love with was the INCREDIBLE comedy and humor associated with the show. Santana, Sue, Couch Roz, Jesse and Sebastian have the funniest insults ever and I find myself laughing my ass off when they're talking so I decided to try my hand at the glee humor with an added bonus of a little Klaine action (I know we all enjoy that xD). I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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><p><strong>Summery:<strong> Kurt tried to defend Blaine from Sebastian's constant pursuits but Blaine insists that he can handle himself. Kurt decides to show Blaine that he isn't the only one with balls in the relationship (pun intended xD). Kurt/ Blaine/ Klaine.

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><p><strong>Name Calling<strong>

_**GLEE**_

"Are you kidding me Blaine? Those shoes should be illegal. God, she looked like her mother dressed her...then called her grandmother to do the last minute touch ups," Kurt insisted, continuing their discussion about the Academy Awards the night before.

"I don't know, I thought she looked very elegant. She may even be trying to start a new trend and I think she's extremely brave to do so in such a judgmental society. I mean Hollywood could chew her up and spit her out," Blaine added.

Suddenly, the boys were alerted to an outlandish car in the school parking lot. Outlandish because both boys were certain that no teacher at William McKinley High School could afford a Mercedes Benz C-Class Sedan and even if they could afford it, they didn't have the balls to drive it into the school gates knowing fully well that it would either be stolen or defaced by the end of the school day.

From out the car came the last person either of them hoped to see, and now walking up to them, Sebastian's famous white smirk spread across his face.

His hands went comfortably into his pockets at his side and he observed Blaine as if about to order a delicious and expensive dish at a five star restaurant.

"You look extremely hot in those pants Blaine. I assume Kurt _didn't_ help you dress this morning?" Sebastian began and as quickly as he began to speak, Kurt became annoyed... extremely annoyed.

"What are you doing here?" Kurt posed the question, eyes lowered into a heated glare in Sebastian's direction.

"I was just in the neighborhood so I thought I'd drop in to see Blaine but obviously you insist in following him everywhere he goes. Either that or the static cling from that horrible cashmere sweater makes it physically impossible for him get away from you," Sebastian ended, his smirk never wavering.

Before Kurt could reply, Blaine spoke fast, "If you're here to talk to me just do it quickly, we have other things to do."

"Although I'm sure your daily hand sanitizing ritual is extremely exhilarating, I actually have a better offer Blaine. I want to take you out tonight," Sebastian explained to him, completely ignoring the well known fact that the two boys were actually dating for months.

"You seriously think he'll want to-"

"I can handle it Kurt," Blaine spoke firmly and Kurt could tell that he was irritated but for what reason, he didn't know. He sighed, waving hand as if to say 'well go on' and he watched as Blaine turned his attention back to the green eyed brunette.

"Listen Sebastian, I don't want to ruin what I have with Kurt here because of some little crush you have," Blaine began.

Sebastian chuckled, "Don't let my flirty quips fool you Blaine. It's not a little crush I have and I'll be back because I predict that this little Cinderella love story you and Miss Jay over there share isn't gonna last more than a few more months. When you're ready to throw caution to the wind, and Kurt, you can find me at Dalton," Sebastian interjected after Blaine's statement and with one last wink to the attracted boy, he walked back to his car and drove off.

Kurt watched with his arms folded, trying desperately not to tap his foot in irritation, "We need to file for a retraining order. That guy's a hazard."

Blaine sighed as he began to walk once more, "But he wasn't wrong.."

Kurt was shocked by Blaine's sudden words, and walked quickly matching his pace, overtaking his pace and stopping inches in front of him. His arms folded on his chest and he asked "What's that supposed to mean?" Kurt asked and Blaine, out of habit rolled his eyes before speaking.

"I don't need you to pick up for me all the time Kurt," Blaine answered, not sure where his sudden distress came from, however Kurt knew that it was Sebastian's doing.

"But _you're_ allowed to pick up for _me_ all the time?" Kurt stressed as if trying to get Blaine to realize just how irrational and hypocritical he sounded so that he wouldn't have to inform him of it.

"Because that's my job Kurt."

Kurt was hoping he wouldn't say it and so he simply nodded, looking away so that he wouldn't have to look at Blaine while the awkward silence filled the parking lot. Then when he finally thought he found the right words, turned his gaze back to the deep hazel of his boyfriend's eyes.

"I'm sorry," he started, "But I was under the impression that you were gay Blaine."

Blaine's brows lowered in confusion, "Excuse me?"

"Because I thought that there were two men in this relationship and quite frankly, I don't need you to pick up for me," Kurt told him, walking ahead of him and walking off, his anger guiding his footsteps out of the parking lot and out of the school gates.

**GLEE**

Kurt entered his home that afternoon after hitching a ride with Finn and Rachel and his mind raced with thoughts of his and Blaine's disagreement that afternoon and his increasing detest for Sebastian and his constant attempts to steal Blaine away from him.

In the garage, he could hear his father pounding away at a repair. He walked down the stairs and into the room, simply observing his father.

"Hey Kurt, you're back already?" Burt asked, removing his welding helmet and turning off the machinery, "Not that I'm not happy to see you, but I thought you and Blaine were going out tonight."

Kurt nodded, "Yeah," then he sighed, "But we decided not to go anymore. Besides," he added, "Movie theater seats just remind me of how society just doesn't appreciate good old open air theater."

Burt took another minute to observe his son, before excusing his odd behavior as him having a hard time at Glee that afternoon. Probably something about that Rachel kid getting all the solos again.

Just as he was about to re-adorn himself with his welding mask, Kurt spoke, "Dad...am I a softy?"

Burt smiled a bit to himself, "Kurt, pass me that wrench on the counter."

Kurt turned to where his father pointed only to see a wrench, however his father neglected to mention that it was in fact covered in oil.

"God dad, I don't even have on my gloves. And besides, I just put together this outfit...took me like five weeks too..." Kurt complained.

Burt smiled, "Yes."

Kurt looked at him confused, "What?"

"Yes you're a softy," Burt corrected and Kurt sighed.

"Come on dad... I'm serious," Kurt explained, "Blaine and I had a fight this afternoon..."

Burt's fatherly instincts immediately kicked into action and he straightened up, put down the wrench and placed all his attention on the boy standing before him, asking, "Did he hurt you in anyway!"

"No dad...It wasn't anything physical.." Kurt said.

"Ok good," Burt answered, "Then what happened?"

"He seems to think that he has to protect me all the time and I'm not capable of fighting for myself, or him in that matter," Kurt explained.

Burt shrugged, "Seems to be like he was doing his job. He's your boyfriend Kurt."

"And I'm his dad. Yes I'm gay, but contrary to what you think, I didn't suddenly turn into a girl when Blaine and I decided to date. I can take care of myself," Kurt explained and Burt nodded suddenly understanding that Kurt's predicament had to do with the deep intricacies of male dominance in a gay relationship.

Although he didn't understand much of it at all, he knew that the issue made Kurt feel less than himself, and so, he said, "Well Kurt. Any good relationship is mutual and I honestly think that you're the strongest person I know. You were able to stand up for what you believe in at your school and now you're on your way to Nyada."

Kurt nodded to himself now after fully absorbing his father's words. He smirked, "Well I'll just have to show Blaine that I can take care of myself."

Burt was confused by Kurt's sudden smirking and confident strut out of the room but he could only hope that Kurt would handle the problem in the best manner possible.

**GLEE**

Kurt hadn't yet tested out his bad boy theory for the entire day and so decided to unveiling his new independent slightly bitchy image to the glee club who he felt knew him best.

Blaine sat next to him, as if completely oblivious to the fact that Kurt had been avoiding him for that entire day. I mean didn't he know it was sort of a rule to stay mad at someone for at least twenty-four hours after a dramatic exit?...Obviously he needed a lesson from Rachel.

The former Warbler leaned over in his seat and closer to Kurt's whispering, "Hey Kurt, I did see you much today. Where were you?"

It took all the willpower Kurt had to resist the bronze gleam of Blaine's eyes that seemed to shine everywhere he went and he folded his arms at his chest, looking away from his boyfriend and at the ridiculous outfit Rachel decided to wear that day. You'd think with two gay dads she would have a better sense of fashion.

Suddenly, as he always did, Mr Shuester entered the room, his handy handy white board marker in hand and the white board waiting patient to be violated with that week's assignment.

"Ok guys!" he began his routine, and just like that the curtain was raised and Kurt performance began, but not before the opening act, as Santana quickly interjected.

"I'm sorry to interrupt Mister Shue but I think it's more important right now to figure out just what the hell Rachel is wearing. Normally I'd ignore it seeing as just looking at her sometimes makes me want to throw up, but I honestly can't hear myself think over that loud trash bag she's wearing.." Santana crossed her legs after her statement.

Rachel shrugged, "You're just jealous that you can't pull off a look like this. Humph." and she took Finn's hand in hers as if for moral support.

"Obviously you can't _pull it off_ either because it's _still_ on you," Kurt stated suddenly. Blaine was the first to notice Kurt's subtle sarcasm, then Santana and then the rest of the glee club who chuckled or giggled under their breaths. They were accustomed to Kurt sometimes pulling a few cracks and so didn't take his attitude as anything out of the normal. Little did they know, he was just getting started and Blaine, knowing Kurt more than many of the people in the room, noticed that something was definitely off about Kurt that day.

Mercedes apparently noticed it too, knowing that Kurt's insults were often as rebuttal to an insult he himself received or meant to be playful, however this was different. It was as if Kurt had said this purposely to hurt Rachel, somewhat like what Santana was known for.

Before Blaine could speak to him quietly, Kurt began again, "Unless you were going for that whole I-can't-dress-myself look. In which case you could probably get a staring role on 'What not to Wear.'"

Rachel's mouth opened wide in shock and Finn scolded his step brother on her behalf, "Knock it off Kurt."

Blaine nodded in agreement, "Yeah Kurt..besides that show got cancelled..."

Kurt laughed, pointing to Blaine who sat next to him, "Way to break the stereotype Blaine."

"Excuse Me?" Blaine asked.

"You're excused..."

As the awkward silence settled over the room, Santana clapped suddenly, "Wow prancy smurf, you're on a roll..."

Kurt smiled and nodded, "And you will be too if you don't cut down on all those Mexican delicacies Santana." Kurt smirked as Santana turned around and glared at him. He knew that if he could take her on, well he was doing pretty damn good.

She began, "I'm Latino!"

"No, what you are is gaining weight. Are you sure _that's_ not the reason you quit the Cheerios?" Kurt continued, even though all those around him urged him not to, all except Puck who was anxious to see whether the gay or the lesbian would win in a fight.

"I think you should stop Kurt," Tina joined in.

And Kurt shrugged, "And I think you should keep your thinking for Asian spelling bees Tina."

"Why does it have to be Asian!" Tina objected and finally Mr Shue stepped in.

"Ok! Kurt that's enough," He sighed, "What's gotten into you lately?"

Kurt smirked, deciding to just go for it, "Not Blaine that's for sure," he replied.

Suddenly the entire room filled with silence until Santana's laughing and Puck's incoherent chucking was heard. Blaine stood suddenly, not even looking in Kurt's direction, before walking out of the room, obviously embarrassed and more so hurt.

Kurt watched as his boyfriend left and room and as the eyes of those in the choir room all fell on him, most of them disappointed and a few amused however he hadn't needed their looks of disapproval to realize that what he had done may have just destroyed his and Blaine's relationship.

"Can I be excused?" Kurt asked, standing.

Mister Shue nodded, "I hope you realize just how much you hurt him."

**GLEE**

Although Blaine hadn't wished to heighten the stereotype that boys who were gay were total divas by walking out of the choir room all dramatically, he couldn't stay in the same room with Kurt any longer for fear that he might have ended their relationship right then and there. He decided instead to walk to the parking lot for some air so that he wouldn't be as pissed once he was ready to talk to Kurt about what he had said back in to choir room.

He couldn't understand why Kurt would do something like that.

"Oh look who it is..."

Blaine didn't even have to look up from where he stood to know who the unwelcomed guest was. He sighed, knowing that he didn't have time for Sebastian's flirting that afternoon.

"I see Kurt isn't with you today, unless he went to powder his nose," Sebastian looked around. Blaine stood up, ignoring in Warbler.

"God, I really don't have time for you right now," Blaine complained and Sebastian only smirked.

"How about Saturday night at my place? Are you free then?" Sebastian retorted.

"He declines."

The two boys turned to see Kurt walking towards where they stood facing one another. Blaine looked just about ready to leave until Sebastian spoke again, "Nice shirt Betty White, I see the sale at Macy's Womens department is still on.."

Kurt laughed, "I'm sorry I half expected you to neigh at me."

Sebastian was obviously taken aback by his insult, and his very good one at that, "What?" he asked.

"Oh I'm sorry. You didn't hear me? I was under the impression that chipmunks had acute hearing," Kurt replied, not letting up.

Sebastian smirked, rather enjoying the banter, "We had amazing vision as well but your Edward Cullen sparkle blinded me. Besides, I think Blaine can speak for himself."

Kurt looked to where Blaine stood, knowing that his interjections were what had caused their first fight, however he had had about enough of Sebastian for one day.

So Kurt continued, "I'd take Blaine and walk away right now, but that would be giving you a bird's- oh I'm sorry, Chipmunk's -eye's view of my boyfriend's butt."

"You really wanna play this game?"

"Playing games are strictly for Blaine and I in the bedroom but if you want, I can let him spit on you since that's probably the only action you'll get for this year... you know, before you're arrested for sexual harassment," Kurt continued.

Sebastian smirked, "Looks like Blaine gave you your balls back.."

And Kurt smirked as well, "Obviously you have too much fun fantasizing about us.."

Sebastian nodded, "I'll see you later Blaine," then walked off.

Kurt finally turned to where Blaine stood, "I'm sorry. I know you feel sort of emasculated when I have to pick up for you like that and I know you can take him yourself but sometimes I just wanna set him straight myself.."

Blaine smiled suddenly, pulling the other boy into a kiss. When they broke apart, he smirked, "I don't know what was sexier, you treating Sebastian like the dirt he is, or that sexy look you had on your face while you did it."

Kurt looked at him shocked, "So you're not mad about what happened in Glee club today.."

Blaine shrugged, "I get that we're two guys in one relationship so I should let you be a guy as well. I shouldn't feel less than a man when you stick up for me, in fact I should let you do it more often because you're more than capable of silencing the Sebastian Smythe all on your own."

Kurt smiled and they kissed once more, until Blaine broke apart to speak again, "There is one place I won't let you dominate me though."

"Where?"

Blaine brought his lips close to Kurt ear, where he whispered, "The bedroom."

**GLEE**

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><p>lol. It was pretty short but I enjoyed writing it. Hope you guys liked it :D Review please :)<p> 


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